Sometimes I feel like life here on Earth is like a video game. When you overcome one obstacle, another one takes its place. And if the obstacle is too big, you can be busted back several levels and have to struggle through some of the same stuff again.
It is fun reaching new levels, though. When you do, just like in a game, there’s all this new stuff to see along with the new things to overcome.
I don’t feel like I’m close to a new level, though.
A few days ago, someone tried to provoke me by calling me an assortment of unflattering names. It felt like a little demon sailed through the air with each word, like a succession of witches on broomsticks. I felt weighted down all day. Sage helped me. He told me I was the most awesome mom ever, and what mom doesn’t live to hear a compliment like that? A couple of the demons lost their grip and fell screaming to the ground. Then his friend told me how much he appreciated something I had done for him last summer. Another one bit the dust, having been poisoned by the surge of blessing I got from this kid.
There’s still a couple hanging out, it seems. One of them is fairly indistinct — an almost translucent gray figure hanging around me like a cloak that could almost go undetected. That is, if I wasn’t hip to the spiritual nature of depressive episodes.
It feels like I had reached a life force of 12,300 in the game of life and got busted down to 8,000 for not having had the skill to cast off the hurt before it dug its greedy claws into my soul in its attempt to plant a seed of bitterness in my heart.
I can’t emphasize it enough. Spiritual attack is real. Paradoxically, however, the key to overcoming it is not focusing on it. It’s much better to choose to focus on stuff you’re grateful for. Then the stuff clinging to you will feel nauseated and go away.
It feels like gratitude builds up your life force, helping you to increase your points so that the next time you get blasted, you’ll have a bit of a cushion.
The thing is, though, the more you play the game, the more skilled you get. There’s always something to learn, even when you make a mistake you’ve made in the past. I’m trying to summon gratitude for each lesson, even when I’m struggling through a level that has a fog of hopelessness along the path that I must strive to see through.
Putting ideas into practice is hard. It’s easy to lay around and whine or indulge in feelings of sadness, but that just has us repeating the same level again ad infinitum, doesn’t it?
Feeling super-glad the the source the game is plugged into never runs out of power. 🙂
Note: If you doubt the power of words, I challenge you to watch this most excellent documentary.
Death should come easy,
like a freight-train you
don’t hear when
your back is
turned. -Charles Bukowski
I so agree and am enlightened by your video game reference. It does feel like getting knocked back several levels, then slogging through the same stuff again. Grief and loss are a lot like that. People can drag us down or build us up; it’s their choice, but it’s also ours. I am trying(as you know) to write off the negative influences in my life and focus on the positives. It’s difficult to let go of the bitterness and anger sometimes, but I’m making the effort for my own contentment.
Thank you, Shradha.