Why Searching for God Is Pointless

“You wander from room to room
Hunting for the diamond necklace
That is already around your neck!”
― Rumi

In my latest dream, I wandered around from place to place.

The first place I went was to a fancy hotel in St. Augustine, Florida, where there were many pools of water. I was asleep, and a preacher I knew lovingly set me in the shallow end of a pool, carefully covering the deep end so that I wouldn’t wake up. Once I did awaken, however, I saw that some people were in pools that were almost entirely shaded from the sun. Others were in a pool fed by a glorious, towering waterfall, but when I drew near, I saw that the waterfall pool had been encased in glass, given artificial lighting, and had slowed to a mere trickle. There was an uninspiring choir singing on a stage in front of the waterfall, and a couple of people were watching. It was blah, so I left.

Then I went to a chapel. It was dark inside, and the church had their own bibles in a translation that doesn’t exist outside of my dream. The people were nice enough, but superficial. I told one lady that if “Christians loved as much as they feared, the world would be transformed.” Walking out, I made a new friend. We walked down the street, and I told her that I was glad to have her along because I wasn’t familiar with the city. We made our way to another friend’s house and ate lunch. Then I went exploring in the neighborhood.

I visited a run-down store in an alleyway where a swarthy snake-like man eyed me threateningly as he tried to conceal the dark magic happening in the back of the store. I was afraid, but the friend I had eaten lunch with was there watching out for me. I became even more afraid when I realized that he might judge me for my presence in such a sketchy place, and I went and hid. He came and found me, comforted me and didn’t judge me at all. We walked along together in companionable silence.

Then I went for a boat ride in an underground river. It turned out the river didn’t actually go anywhere but in a circle, like an amusement ride. At the end of the ride, the operator told me that I was worthy of a Koran, and handed me the book. I got out of the boat, and my friend was waiting for me once again.

I felt such angst over all my searching, but my friend simply looked at me with bemusement. I couldn’t believe how accepting he was. I tried to justify why I was exploring all these things, but he didn’t really seem care one way or the other. He was the kind of friend who is there for you no matter how much drama you create.

Thinking about the dream, it was pretty obvious what it was saying about religion. But I couldn’t figure out why I kept dreaming about this friend who kept popping up everywhere. Soon, however, I realized that the friend was Christ. I was running around like a lunatic in this dream, filled with such anxiety over finding the “right” belief, but all the time, Christ was there. (Rumi calls God “the friend,” and I read him a lot, so that helped me to figure it out!)

It was really cool to realize that God loves me no matter what direction I find myself wandering in, and that if I want, I can just hang out with Him, take off my shoes, and not wander — or wonder — at all.

My Rock in the Storm

Jesus is my rock Last night I dreamed that I traveled to a far away island. There were a chain of islands, and a boat dropped me off at the most distant one. There was only one other person on the island, a man. I don’t know who he was, but he had an appealing assurance about him.

The island was very small and had no shelter of any kind. This was potentially a problem, since there were often severe storms and tornadoes that would appear. I told the driver of the boat that I wasn’t worried about it, and he drove off, leaving me there.

The man showed me a rocky ledge that I could climb up onto when the storms hit. And sure enough, soon a very strong storm arrived. I climbed up onto the ledge. Clinging to it, I watched the storm. There were buckets of rain pouring out of the sky and strong winds. I got a bit wet, as a few of the drops hit me, but I was protected from the majority of the rain.

Looking at the storm, I found that I was able to see through it. On the other side was the most gorgeous sunrise. I knew what awaited once the storm passed — peace and beauty.

I love how I stood on the ROCK during the storm. That’s exactly what I do in my waking life. Knowing how much God loves me definitely protects me from a lot of the fallout from the storms in my life, which have been numerous lately. This dream comforted me.

Before I had went to bed, I had asked God a question — something that I have been doing more and more often lately. I asked him how I could help my husband to not suffer from the fibro-type thing he has been struggling with.

As my dream continued, the answer to my question was revealed. My husband picked me up from the island in a fairly big boat. We cruised through the water, and I was filled with joy. Soon, however, I noticed that the boat was leaky and had about two feet of standing water in it. My husband was fine with it, but I told him, “We can do better than this.”

Then we were on an ocean liner. My hubby was the captain of the ship. The ship, which was in perfect condition, ran on lettuce. When we stopped at a port, I’d run into the store to buy some more fuel — spinach, carrots. On this fuel, the ship traveled all the way around South America.

When I woke up, I realized that I can fuel up my husband with lots of veggies and he’ll likely experience some relief from his symptoms. :-D

I love writing these dreams down. I want to remember them, and I want any interested parties to know that God is present and available. Ask and you shall receive.

More Dreams

city on fire
I keep having vivid dreams. Sometimes they’re God dreams and sometimes they’re not. I thought I’d share them because a couple of people were blessed by one of them, so who knows? I bolded the parts of the second dream that really stood out to me because it is so long (and this is the abbreviated form!)

Dream 1

My family was sleeping, and a big wall of fire came toward us, sweeping through one side of our bedroom but not touching us. It destroyed everything in it’s path. God said, start walking Northeast. Take only one blanket. He told us to take a couple of other things, but I forget what they were.

Meanwhile, another couple in the same city was having a similar experience. They were getting pummeled with a hugely destructive storm. The entire city was being destroyed in multiple ways. Instead of going in the direction that God told them to, however, the husband told the rest of the family to walk in another direction while he went to get the car. The result was that family ran right into the area of the city that was on fire. They escaped, but not after experiencing a lot of distress.

I remember that we got to take some of the animals with us. In the dream we had a lot of animals — more than the four we have right now. Greg and I were talking and decided to leave behind the animals that didn’t love us to fend for themselves. We didn’t want to do it, but it was already going to be difficult (and somewhat comedic) to walk a long distance with three cats in a carrier.

I started thinking how God lets the people who don’t love him do their own thing. Sometimes things turn out okay and sometimes they don’t. Of course, the whole dream seemed to be about obedience, and how God will bless and keep those who do His will. Not keep them entirely out of bad situations, but show them a way through.

In my dream someone criticized how I talk about Jesus all the time. I said, “He’s all I can talk about,” and basically shrugged. I guess I’m past the point of worrying whether or not people think I’m a fanatic, crazy or whatever.

Dream 2

Greg and I were crossing the border into Mexico. At first, I was by myself when I crossed. Wile E. had jumped out of the car, though and followed me. The border guards said “No way,” and I had to literally drag him back across. He did not want to go and tried to attack the border guard, who drew his gun. Perhaps Wile E. felt I needed protection.

Later, after securing Wile E. in the car, I went on ahead with a friend who was an unbeliever. There was nothing but bars, and witchcraft was everywhere, even in the air itself. I could feel my mind being affected by the atmosphere. Nasty bugs crawled everywhere on the ground and were in the buildings. A witch was angry when I wouldn’t participate, and I screamed (literally F) “F you!” and jumped off the balcony of the building to escape, and landed safely. Halloween was being celebrated at the time, and I took a big cone of sugar and began spinning it in the middle of a poster board. Fine granules of sugar flew off and landed on the paper, forming amazing patterns, and eventually, the word of God. I called to my friend who was an unbeliever — “Hey look at this!” She came over, but not fast enough, and the word of God changed to the word of the law and then disappeared altogether.

We went back across the border, returning to the United States, and a projected image of the Virgin Mary began to show up in the sky, then a dove rising, then an huge scene of something representing God’s kingdom. I was praising the Lord so much and my friend became a believer right then. We continued on into El Paso, and saw a large five-story church/Christian school that we thought had been projecting the image. We went in, and at this point had our children with us. The children at the school were very mean to our kids, and they had a group shower where the boys and girls showered together. The pastor who was in a dark, medieval looking office, and preached about the evil of the world and conspiracy theories and tried to make us afraid. We left. This pastor tried to warn us against going to visit a relative who was also a pastor, saying he was apostate, but we ignored him.

We went to find my relative. This man was humble, and we walked up a pier to meet him in the river he was in. We asked him what he was doing, and he said something like, “I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me.” Then he swam underneath our pier, which was falling apart a bit and starting to sink, and shored it up with his own body. Later, he and his wife preached love at their modest church, and warned us not to fall prey to the devil’s darts.

At this point, God showed me what those darts look like in the form of a 1980’s video game. Everyone was a red or green dot, moving along a highway. The red dots were people who were nonbelievers or who were sinking under the attack of the evil one. There were more red dots than green. My transformed friend was ahead of me, and her light was green. Bombs were falling out of the air randomly and would hit people. When they hit, they would turn a green person red if prayer was not protecting the person. I kept praying for my newly green friend as bombs fell all around her. I thought to myself, “I am on the verge of turning red myself, because I am under serious attack,” but realized that did not absolve me of my responsibility.

And there was more, but this is enough. :-)

The Day Reality Started to Shift

First of all, I’m sorry for writing the boring Proverbs post. There are a million (boring) places on the Internet where you can go to read that sort of thing. It was soulless.

But I’m still struggling with the truth. I feel like I am about to strip myself naked and get flogged. Psychologically, this may not be an exaggeration. You’ll see. You may be the one holding the whip.

Ugh. The truth. So. Awfully. Painful.

This truth that I find it so scary to tell started with a dream. It wasn’t my dream, it was my younger son’s. He was 11-years-old, and it took him almost an hour to tell it to me. He was traumatized. It was one of those dreams where you feel like everything really happened.

I wish I had written the entire thing down.

He was a warrior. He was fighting a literal, but also spiritual, battle. He was fighting in another dimension. It was an incredibly difficult war to fight, because small gnat-like creatures would fly into the mouths of his fellow soldiers and turn them into something evil.

The thing is, he couldn’t tell they were evil, because they still looked the same. Their hearts were rotten, though, and they were like zombies being controlled by this other thing.

So he had to use his sword to kill these fighters who had been part of his army, but who weren’t, even though they looked the same. An angel gave him the strength to continue standing as others were overtaken, psychologically, by the enemy.

Eventually, the demonic gnats managed to infiltrate every other soldier in his unit, he killed them, and he was alone. It had been a spiritual Armageddon. He said, “Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth.”

New heaven and new earthHe kept talking, and began to describe how there was peace on earth for 1,000 years. But there was one gnat, one seed of evil, left, and it rose from the dust of the Middle East like a demonic Phoenix, growing into something horrible, and began to wreak havoc.

Later on, when I read Revelations, this reminded me of this verse. At some point in the dream, he mentioned “a new Jerusalem.”

I had no idea why an 11-year-old was talking about a Phoenix rising from the dust in the Middle East, Jerusalem, or anything else. To me, this sounded like the dream of a 30-year-old man who has read a lot of literature and knows politics and the Bible. I also had no clue why he was quoting from Revelations, a book I had pretty much avoided since becoming alarmed as a child when the moon had a red tint to it one night.

Here’s the thing. You might be thinking, “Well, Michelle is a Jesus-freak, and she’s probably taken him to her crazy church where he’s heard all these things, and he’s processing it all in his dreams.”

That’s not true.

Two and a half years ago, when he had this dream, I didn’t go to church. I had taken him for a while when he was in third grade, but neither one of us cared for even the occasional mention of hell, so we quit going. I didn’t read the Bible at home to him (or myself either, for that matter), and it was pretty much a non-issue.

After hearing the bit about “a new heaven and a new earth” spoken from my 11-year-old’s mouth, I did read the Book of Revelation. I found another verse that he had directly quoted, although I didn’t realize it at the time he told me. Sadly, having misplaced my journal, I am not certain which one it was. I am not going to put it here, in case I get it wrong.

At any rate, hearing my unchurched 11-year-old quoting from Revelations made me decide to look at the whole Christianity thing a little closer. And it’s a really good thing I did. So many things have happened since that morning that I couldn’t have handled without Jesus. They are unbelievable, really. But I’ll try to have the courage to tell these stories anyway.

zombie comic(Image Credit: Humourisms.com)[/caption]